These Joy Ups.....they're magical things. I'm not sure how they work, or what Hannah does, or how we all end up feeling so ridiculously loved and incredibly supported by the end, but.....I love them. I love them so much. They've become such an integral part of my process. It's a support that I've purchased, put in place, and done the "work" for. And I know that it will help me.
Here is the joy and support my life was missing all these years.
These past two years have been hard and trying and painful and long, but they have been the tumultuous entry to the rest of my life. To a life of beauty and love.
Like a shuttle coming back down to earth through the turbulent atmosphere, so am I going through this personal growth time of my life, expanding and reaching and feeling all the growing pains. Going through and being in the feelings instead of pushing them away and swallowing them and trying to forget them. I've been in the moment, trusting the hard ones will end and I'll come out the other side.
That's where I've been. Sitting with the thought that "wherever you go, there you are." I am what I have. I have my breath. I have my body. I have my heart. I've been in these moments so deeply, noticing tiny nuances of sensation and thought that I've never gone deep enough to notice before.....my chest, my throat, my head.....almost pulling my car over one afternoon, so overcome with simply being in my body, deep.
That is knowing. That is trust. That is be-ing. That is the very essence of what we're all doing here. For if we can rely on our bodies and breath and heart, we're never really alone.
For now, I'm just breathing through it, reminding myself that I am not missing out on anything or wasting time, because this is my life. Wherever you go, there you are. This is it. This is the work I have to do, want to do, need to do. To turn back through that tumultuous atmosphere, knowing how hard it was and how long it took.....that would be harder. My time right now is steeped so strongly in wisdom and medicine, I know I just need to be open to it. I need to be here now. I need to be open, to the joy and beauty and ease that's just beyond that cup of coffee or heart-shaped leaf or beaded bracelet.
I need to move through, slowly and joyously and with trust.
And so I am writing my own story. I'm not just reading some story someone handed to me anymore -- oh no, I am choosing what type of book I'd like to write in and what pen feels good to me and where I'd like to be sitting and how I'd like my penmanship to be.
I am choosing. I am re-creating. It is time. Gently, ease-ily, soulfully.
As my Joy sister Christina said, "I rebuilt my life the way I want it to be, for no other reason than it feels good."
Yes. Yes. A million times yes.